Holidays and the End of the Year

Time, at times,

Goes by so quickly.

At other times,

Not quickly enough.

Yet, we hope the time

We’ve had together

And our times

yet to come

Still kindle at least a smile

And remembrances of

Warmth and fun.

We miss you dearly

and hope to see you again soon!

May your hearts be blessed with joy and the company of good friends and close family throughout the holiday season and the New Year.

　

Best wishes for a prosperous 2012!!!

How to explain big words and concepts to children

My 12-year-old daughter needs to have a current event topic for every school morning. It's funny how the kids compete to have the best bit of news for the classroom, but I guess it also shows how eager they are to learn. So one day she picks a story about a former local commissioner who was arrested before last year's election on charges of fraud, corruption, and other crimes of politicians. The newspaper article headlines that her prosecution is "politically motivated". The former commissioner whined that she was being persecuted. My daughter didn't understand what "persecute" meant, so I told her, "It means that, someone or something, in this case 'the government', says, 'Nyah, you're a dirty liar! Nyah, you cheated, you stinky butthead!'"

It's a shame that most concepts have to be reduced to the comprehension level of a fourth grader, but it's amazing how many people get the concept when it's delivered this way.

If this is you, chances are you're a good parent

I have been blessed that most of my days are filled with laughter and food for thought, but I am proud to say that that last 24 hours have been very special. Last night my son's teacher revealed that he is somewhere near the top of his third-grade class and one of its brightest stars. In my case, this part isn't so much a surprise as a testament to priority management and proactive parenting. Like most 9 year-olds, when my son is not in school, his mind is a million miles from academics, and although it takes occasional mock threats of violence to get his attention on dinner instead of video games, apparently his teacher tells me he is sharp as a tack in the classroom, prepared, attentive - a model student. By contrast, his bedroom is rarely ever tidy, and if his function at home has nothing to do with playing, he's rarely interested. As challenging as parenting is, there are some battles better left in the background. My kids' kindergarten teacher wisely said that no child (or adult, for that matter) can perform brilliantly 100% of the time. People have to recharge in more ways other than just sleeping, so allow the children to let their hair down in a place that's safe and private, which is frequently the time spent at home. I relish the fact that my son is not perfect, and that his heart is filled with so much love for himself and everyone around him that perfection doesn't matter.

Another blessing is, despite my personal odds of succeeding, my oldest daughter is 12 today. It is usually this time of year I recall the hardships that have dogged me until now, but amidst all my chaos, this little gift dropped into my life, and ever since, constantly drives me to be smarter, take calculated chances, and never be afraid that someone won't be there to love me.

Here's to hoping miracles never cease.

You Should Never Lie To Your Children

Think of the most difficult things you have to explain to your children – sex, debt, violence, divorce/breakup of relationships, life, love, career choice, death, (if you think of any others, feel free to comment). Now I want you to think about what and how you are going to explain these difficult parts of life. All of these things are part of our culture whether we like it or not, and for some, the hardest part to accept is that they all lead to the same place. Is it a blessing that I have experience with all these things? Not really, but I think I would rather be aware of what’s coming instead of being completely blind-sided and unable to adequately react.

Your child is exposed to all kinds of stimuli, some of it we can control, others we can’t. I think the mission of a good parent is to position himself or herself to be an objective sounding board to a child’s questions, so that a parent can give solid and truthful answers, and also get solid and truthful answers in return. “Solid and truthful” does not mean laying out every fact or opinion - it means giving just enough information to answer the question and leaving the door open to further discussion. This allows the child to formulate their own opinions and make decisions for themselves. Over time, their opinions may not match your own, but the world is an ever-changing place. The job of a parent is to care for and prepare their children for their own future, and what the children choose to make of their lives should wholly be their own. We also teach that every decision has a consequence, and by that, attempt to set reasonable limits to their decisions. Someday, people may be able to fly when they jump off the roof, but until humanity learns to defy gravity and physics, isn’t it safer to leave flying to the birds and aircraft?

There is the impulse to skew or stretch the truth to suit a parent’s personal needs. FIGHT IT! Your children may not be academic whizzes, but they’re a lot smarter than they may let on. The questions they ask may not be so much to get an answer as they are a test to see if they can trust you. If you do not answer with love and your whole heart, children ( and savvy parents) can smell a lie from miles away. A child’s behavior is modeled directly from how a parent acts and what s/he will permit. You cannot teach what you do not practice yourself. If truth is what you seek, truth is what you must reasonably spread.

Don’t lie, folks, don’t lie.

Don't be afraid of the movies, but be very afraid of the movies

My parents were very selective about what movies and TV shows we were allowed to watch - not too much skin, no sex, no profanity and limited violence. I think they had to resign themselves to bathroom humor, but let's face it: we're human, and bathroom humor is going to play itself out on a daily basis at home no matter how hard you try to excuse yourself from the room to fumigate somebody's bed pillow (kidding...I don't think it ever happened in my house, at least it never smelled like it). It's hard not to be silly without things most people would consider public behavior, but show me a parent that positively connects with their children without being silly and I'll show a terribly inhibited soul.

As most kids of the period, going to matinee movies was the prize for good behavior, not like the underage chick-trolling gauntlet it seems to be today, and at least one of my parents was always with us. Animateds (mostly Disney), Disney live-actions starring Kurt Russell, and Irwin Allen disaster films always felt like a treat. The only 'R' rated movie my mother permitted us to see as a kid was "Jaws" as a favor to a close friend, and even then it was after considerable debate. I didn't go because I was afraid of the shark. We went into the movies in good spirit and came out refreshed, like taking a nap, only having had a good laugh and probably (re-)learning something useful. Isn't this what family day(night) at the movies is all about?

Most movies out now are filled with death, destruction, gore, flashy graphics and gaudy personalities. For entertainment purposes, I understand its value and in some cases, I welcome it because there is a place for it. But like anything else that goes unchecked by a child's parents, I'm deeply concerned about the impression it makes on a child's mind. I recently attended a crime summit, headed by our local sheriff, in which its main topics were teen violent crimes and human trafficking/exploitation. Children killing children is not supposed to be a routine occurrence in our culture, but it does happen frequently. The summit suggested that the primary causes of teen violence were poor parenting skills, bullying, and violent images portrayed in music, movies/TV, video games/toys, comics, and even played out and planned between friends. While the First Amendment may protect the ability to express fictional violence, it doesn't mean that we have to lay a buffet of violence out for our children to consume. I think it's important that they need to be aware of things to protect themselves, and that it is a parent's primary duty to proactively teach their children "right" from "wrong".

The maxim here is this: Have fun wherever you are, but always be aware of what's around you wherever you are.

First and Foremost...

the thing my kids should know is that I love them dearly. My purpose in life is best defined as the strongest supporter of their hopes and dreams, and it is my duty to supply them with the tools and training to achieve whatever success they want. This does not mean I will supply every tool, but I will teach them to adapt new tools from mastered tools, because a thriving life comes from adaptability.

Although I have strived for perfection, I hope my kids know that their dad is flawed. I've taught them how to lose their temper, and we argue, frequently, but it beats not being able to express yourself. To many, saying "I'm sorry" is a sign of weakness, but if you find people you sincerely want to work with (and I sincerely want to keep a thriving relationship with my kids), it's important to keep everybody's ego in check, especially your own. "I'm sorry" simply states the willingness to understand a misunderstanding, even if it means standing your ground and disagreeing with another perspective.

This may seem over the heads of many children, but for my own kids, I say, "I love you very much. We may not always be happy with each other, but I will always seek common ground with you because of how important you are to me." What else are we going to learn on this journey? Let's see...