Building Respectable Human Beings

A dinner conversation we had not too long ago discussed the reason why my children are so attractive to their peer’s parents. My kids are still kids, but comparatively they seem better mannered, more focused on the current objective, and are open to either independent or team-oriented achievement. They are equally praised by their teachers and consistently earn high marks on their report cards. I know that I don’t shower them with as much praise as they would probably like, but I would have to be a complete idiot not to know what a blessing it is to have children that are healthy, smart, conscientious, well-balanced and ambitious, and for some reason, they love and appreciate me, too.

My kids are still kids, but I remind them constantly about how what they do now affects their future. I try to do this without applying too much pressure or guilt, and in fact, the pressure is really on me to keep this issue fresh in their minds without being overbearing. Everyone wants love and respect, but I think many people know that you can’t get what you don’t give first. I am human, and I’ve made and make lots of mistakes that I am sorry for, but my persistence to make things better for all of us is fueled by the challenge and inspiration given by the family that supports me. In terms of messes, I think my family has more than its fair share, and because we are all still here, it is intended for us to overcome our mess and revel in our godliness. But all of this cannot come about if we cover up in self-pity and nitpick each other about our flaws. I have to accept people for who they are, and have a little sympathy for what they are not. We all must. But that should not stop us from influencing people to be the best of what we imagine them to be, at work, at school, at home, as parents, as professionals, as people in a family. I don’t treat my kids as kids. I treat them as the kind of responsible human being I want to be and be with. Playtime is just as important as work time, but I believe that when a child understands what is going to make his life easier as he gets older, the child isn’t just growing. He is also growing up, as a responsible human being.

Don't be afraid of the movies, but be very afraid of the movies

My parents were very selective about what movies and TV shows we were allowed to watch - not too much skin, no sex, no profanity and limited violence. I think they had to resign themselves to bathroom humor, but let's face it: we're human, and bathroom humor is going to play itself out on a daily basis at home no matter how hard you try to excuse yourself from the room to fumigate somebody's bed pillow (kidding...I don't think it ever happened in my house, at least it never smelled like it). It's hard not to be silly without things most people would consider public behavior, but show me a parent that positively connects with their children without being silly and I'll show a terribly inhibited soul.

As most kids of the period, going to matinee movies was the prize for good behavior, not like the underage chick-trolling gauntlet it seems to be today, and at least one of my parents was always with us. Animateds (mostly Disney), Disney live-actions starring Kurt Russell, and Irwin Allen disaster films always felt like a treat. The only 'R' rated movie my mother permitted us to see as a kid was "Jaws" as a favor to a close friend, and even then it was after considerable debate. I didn't go because I was afraid of the shark. We went into the movies in good spirit and came out refreshed, like taking a nap, only having had a good laugh and probably (re-)learning something useful. Isn't this what family day(night) at the movies is all about?

Most movies out now are filled with death, destruction, gore, flashy graphics and gaudy personalities. For entertainment purposes, I understand its value and in some cases, I welcome it because there is a place for it. But like anything else that goes unchecked by a child's parents, I'm deeply concerned about the impression it makes on a child's mind. I recently attended a crime summit, headed by our local sheriff, in which its main topics were teen violent crimes and human trafficking/exploitation. Children killing children is not supposed to be a routine occurrence in our culture, but it does happen frequently. The summit suggested that the primary causes of teen violence were poor parenting skills, bullying, and violent images portrayed in music, movies/TV, video games/toys, comics, and even played out and planned between friends. While the First Amendment may protect the ability to express fictional violence, it doesn't mean that we have to lay a buffet of violence out for our children to consume. I think it's important that they need to be aware of things to protect themselves, and that it is a parent's primary duty to proactively teach their children "right" from "wrong".

The maxim here is this: Have fun wherever you are, but always be aware of what's around you wherever you are.

First and Foremost...

the thing my kids should know is that I love them dearly. My purpose in life is best defined as the strongest supporter of their hopes and dreams, and it is my duty to supply them with the tools and training to achieve whatever success they want. This does not mean I will supply every tool, but I will teach them to adapt new tools from mastered tools, because a thriving life comes from adaptability.

Although I have strived for perfection, I hope my kids know that their dad is flawed. I've taught them how to lose their temper, and we argue, frequently, but it beats not being able to express yourself. To many, saying "I'm sorry" is a sign of weakness, but if you find people you sincerely want to work with (and I sincerely want to keep a thriving relationship with my kids), it's important to keep everybody's ego in check, especially your own. "I'm sorry" simply states the willingness to understand a misunderstanding, even if it means standing your ground and disagreeing with another perspective.

This may seem over the heads of many children, but for my own kids, I say, "I love you very much. We may not always be happy with each other, but I will always seek common ground with you because of how important you are to me." What else are we going to learn on this journey? Let's see...